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Monday, 31 March 2008

From Dismay To Joy

Today was great. Katzy picked up and we headed to the Cave. After nailing a new move with nodders beta, the heel move on Pilgrim (couldn’t do the last move) I was pretty chuffed. Felt stronger on Trigger too which was good. Went to the box where I completely surprised myself. I had decided the other night to go for the full pill box link up, starting up jack Daniels and finishing up Last Orders. I thought this was a mile off. However first go I got through DD fell off with the undercut in my hand (don’t know why – surprise). After I did Last Orders while still boxed and it felt fine. So maybe it’s on. I’m physched out my tiny mind anyway. This was the best I’ve felt on the box for six years – a great feeling. Katz, Hock and Nodder were there so it was good to perform in front of these beasts too. Hock was a bit short for the box and Nodder was a bit stoned so I didn’t get a true appraisal of my problems. Katzy staying at mine tonight so I might bum him!

Sunday, 30 March 2008

Dismay in the Den

Just got back from the Den and to cut a long story short i performed dismally. I feel in ok shape at the mo in general so why doesn't this transfer to the Den? What is it about this place that makes it so damn hardcore? Surely strength is strength. As Sharma says in rampage "a hold is a hold". This demoralising experience makes me not want to go back in there but then again if i could get back to the 7b standard i would be a monster on the rocks. Think i will try and go once a week and hope i see some improvement quickly! Maybe my failings are physchological. I feel like a dejected England fan:

Anyway i will hopefully get my car back tommorrow and the world will be my oyster once again. Don't how people can survive without a motor, i'm almost hanging from the rafters after two days! Sundays are shit aren't they. Thats all. Bye

Saturday, 29 March 2008

Your Sunday Sermon - Issues of the Road!

Road Rage:

In a break from the traditional Sunday Sermon this week we shall look at issues of the road and driving rather than rock climbing. I want to start by saying road rage is not big or clever and that any rage that you feel from a driving scenario should remain within the motor car. DO NOT bludgeon an old dear to death with a crowbar. This, my children will result in an eternal afterlife in hell and damnation.
One of the things that gets my goose cooking out on the roads of Great Britain is the inhability of many people to drive AT THE SPEED LIMIT. Doing 40 or 50 in a 60 zone in good driving conditions is just plain inconsiderate. Think of the person stuck behind you trying to get on with his life – wasting valuable minutes of his life just because you can’t be arsed putting your foot down. And why do people sit in the middle lane or the fast lane on motorways, forcing everyone else to make dangerous undertaking manoeuvres. Why not just pull into the slow lane and let everyone past. Just cos you sit in the slow lane doesn’t mean you’ve got a micro does it! And if I happen to be driving round the marine drive trying to get home please pull over and let me past. No one wants a biggie up there sphincter.
Why stop at a roundabout if there’s nothing coming. There is just no need, just slip her into 2nd or 3rd and keep going, its better and more efficient for you car. And why spend an age turning, just turn you berks, its not hard, signal, and turn the steering wheel in a quicker fashion.
Are tits, end of…
Ok so we have a situation in this country where there are far too many cars on the road. As my old pal spidey would say: “Too many rats not enough cheese”. Gridlock Britain is costing businesses about £20 billion a year as productivity is hit by staff arriving late to work. So what does the government and the councils do to ease this congestion. Well they dig up the roads just so everyone goes even slower causing even more congestion. Call me cynical but isn’t this just a ploy to keep unemployment down (a la Hitler in the 1930s). Surely our roads don’t need digging up every five minutes. Ok fair do’s some of the work is for road widening schemes that may in future reduce congestion but a lot of it is pointless. So my children go forth into your motor cars and remember the lessons you have learned today.

Typical chaos on a British road, arseholes and idiots!

Friday, 28 March 2008

Go Mule

Well i'm sitting at home tossing it off (not literally!) waiting for my brakes to get sorted on me car. Have been driving round in a flippin death trap! Got a message off 2nd Biggest Dick informing me that Worlds Biggest (Mule) has just done the 3rd ascent of his magnificent problem in the cave In Life 8a+. This involves a Font 8a to a shit rest and then a Font 7c to finish. However Mule uses a coin for his righthand making the second section at least font 7c+ and hence making the overall grade harder. The way mule does In Life is much harder and considering In Life is a hard 8a+ anyway, well.... you do the math. Whatever he's a fuckin arsehole for using a duff sequence. Pic of Me on In Life below:

Pic of the dirty bastard (he's on the left, thats another dirty bastard on the right) auditioning for Queer as Folk new series

Its good to see that dirty bastard ticking hard problems after so many years of injuries, two 8a+ in a week! Not bloody bad at all. Young buck Danny began his comeback by lapping Trigger Cut!. Back to the drawing board Doylo!

Thursday, 27 March 2008

Sacked off, for now.......

Crackin day on t'orme today. Katzy was back doing more Big link linkage and he brought my old pal Kev Avery along with him. Jimmy Big Guns turned up too. Anyway after a few goes of In Life i made the decision to leave it till i'm a bit stronger and my palm has healed up. I hit the pinch a couple of times but the link is so fuckin hard for me. Anyway went back to Halfway House, start feels ok now but as i suspected i can't do Trigger again so thats that for the meantime. Finished off in the Cave with a familiar seige of the hard bit on Pilgrim, and low and behold after all these years i think i might have found a sequence that will work (with a bit of strength and persistence). So will try this next time. Katzy said i love the seiging process and he's right i do. I would hate to be Daniel Woods, climbing every problem in a few days (yeah right!). Went to the box and did WB and Jack Daniels (static)- prob the most satisfying moment of the day!

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Halfway to Nowhere

Slopers in the cave felt too greasy today, it was cold but so still, i couldn't pull on them! So sacked off In Life and tried Halfway House for a bit, did all the moves (never done all the moves before) so that was good. I remember Nige saying with good beta the Halfway House section was only V8. Could be but i normally find V8's in the cave easier than this, anyway i almost got into Trigger Cut. My beta involved a very tenuous heelhook on something shit. Trigger Cut will be a formality as soon as i get into it (Ho Ho Ho)! Sacked it off anyway and went to Matts board, its a steep fucker. I did some (Den) 7as.

Cave Life boot:

May The Force Be With You

Tuesday, 25 March 2008


All my troubles seemed so far away....
Went to the pass with The Cypriot, was cold. Tried Hocks 8a Breathe. As is usual with 8as there was one move i couldn't do, really annoying cos i really like the rest of it! It started pissing so we buggered off to the cave, i hit the intermediate sidepull before the jug flake - a new highpoint. I was trying so hard i mangled my palm. See:

Pete Robbins is going well on the boulders. He made the 2nd ascent of my problem from 2006, The Highlife 8a. Good work Pete, nice to see one of my problems getting some attention. Here's some more adorable pics of the lad:

Sunday, 23 March 2008

Executive Decision

Today i made one. Felt strong in the cave, held the crux move 4/5 times but fell off reaching out to the sidepull and the jug flake. Progress- i'm getting stronger on that bastard pinch! Usual crew in there, Ian, Jamie, Tommy and even a few old faces turned up, Mr Schelmerdine and Katzy were there again. Anyway at the end of the sesh i had a do on Pit of Hell, got to the crux of Rockatrocity and then had an epiphany. This felt hard and i lacked the fitness so maybe i should do In Life rather than In Hell! Although more tricky and technical i think this is preferable to the basic brutality of RA - especially after doing a burly Font 8a! So all i need to do now is get my magic Cave Life boot out, get that toe hook wired again and Bob will be your Uncle and Fanny your Aunt. Of course i still need to get to the RA jug on In Life but i now feel this is a matter of time. After went to the Box with Jamie to test my finger strength. Wasn't too bad did Whisky Bitch and Drink driving in two halfs. Got to the crux from the start but lacked the fitness. Want to do this again so i can link it into Last Orders at the end and claim my place as King of the Box (sorry Jonny!). Pic here of beast Liam Desroy on the In Hell start (he's done In Hell - beast):

Your Sunday Sermon - Grades: A Question of Integrity

Before I start this special Easter Sunday sermon I would like to state that rock climbing is about the experience, the feeling of flowing over stone is unparalled in this world (although I must admit a good BJ hits the spot too!). However in order to track improvement and to classify rock climbs one man called Albert Gradestein invented grades. Grades now have a prominent place in modern rock climbing. Love em or hate em you can’t ignore them and whilst not being a science it’s still pretty easy to get it right. I would like to address the global phenomenon of overgrading (specifically regarding boulder problems). Overgrading is a relatively new trend, more likely to be found in new skool bouldering venues. Switzerland is a perfect example of this. Even though Font is just up the road in some cases they have got it spectacularly wrong. I tried one boulder called Schule de Lebens on my last trip to Swizzy in January. It was too hard for me but it become instantly apparent that this problem was a long way short of the given grade of 8b. My mind drifted over to benchmarks such as Hubble, Malcs Start, The Ace, problems that deserve the magical grade of 8b. On these problems I would not be able to hang the positions on the crux never mind contemplate doing them one day. My suspicions were confirmed when I heard the news that Martin Smith had done Schule de Lebens from a low start and graded it 8a+ (so that would be 8b+ in swizzy grades!!!). A true knight of the realm! I’m not saying the whole of Swizzy is privy to blanket overgrading. Much of the grading there is on the money. However my children, when one finds a rock climb that is overgraded they must find it within ourselves to resist the big number and take the true path. Getting a grade wrong is not a crime (this is often the case in First ascents) but taking a grade when one knows it to be wrong is a sin.
The second part of this week’s sermon is about grade conversions, specifically with the V grades of the USA in mind. Last winter I made the pilgrimage to Hueco Tanks. While I was there it became apparent that the conversion from Hueco V grades to Font grades was in fact a tricky game to play. Before I go any further I would like to state that I didn’t question the V grades, they were developed in Hueco originally so the problem doesn’t lie with them. However there has been a tendency in Hueco for those with scorecards to fall into the trap of converting problems without any thought for there true font grades. For example taking 7c for every V9 or 8a+ for every V12 is incorrect. Here are some examples:
Mangum V9 = 7b+ Notorious D.I.G. V9 = 7c
Free Willy V10 = 7c+ Predator V10 = 7c
Barefoot on Sacred Ground V12 = 8a Full Monty V12 = 8a+

At the end of the day as long as folk can sleep at night then none of this all matters but when its so easy to get it right why not do so? On that note I’m bringing this weeks Sermon to a close, god bless you all and happy crimping! Enjoy some Hueco Tanks footage:

Saturday, 22 March 2008


Today i will rest like John Horseradish the Third. My body feels like it has gone ten rounds with someone hard. Maybe it was this guy:

Friday, 21 March 2008

New Mwyn V12

Was happily enjoying a curry with my old man when a certain dirty bastard rang me up to inform me that he had climbed his project at Pantymwyn. That man was of course the mule and the line was the Under pressure, be ruthless link. Now he was trying to convince me that it could be a hard 8a but i ignored him (as is best when it comes to matters of grading). He also said he was going to call it The Dildo, i told him i thought that was a marvellous name. Let it be known the mule is back! And here is a pic of the filthy twat (who incidentally is going out in the dudno tonight to get some beaver)

Mwyn vid here;

RIP Foggy

Just heard the terrible news of the death of Foggy from Last of the Summer Wine. After the shattering loss of Compo (Bill Owen) this is a bitter pill to swallow. This leaves just Peter Sallis from the trio. I know this has just happened but it has shattered me to the core. At the moment i just can't see a future. Anyway had another good sesh in the cave today. Progress is slow but constant. Katz was swinging around on the big link like it was swingers tuesday!

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Close but no Cigar!

Held the crux move from the start then greased off. It was greasy. For something so basic and powerful, i ain't half tinkering with my beta. Who says steep stuff ain't technical. Might go back tommorrow and meet Katzy there.
Monsieur Wyatt:

View from the cave (little orme disappeared!):

A nice relaxing (not!!) game of snooker:

Could today be the day?

Gods urine is spraying down on the United Kingdom today so i'm going to go and sit at the back of Parisellas Cave until i've climbed from the back wall to the RA jug. Although not strong enough for this, over the last few sessions i've had a feeling that i could fluke it if i could just hold that pinch again from the start. I intend my head to go as red as Gaz Parry's (a true sign of effort!). Will report back later, don't hold your breath! Here is a pic of Rod Hull (completely unrelated to anything):

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

The Lad

Anyone who appreciates wild beasts should enjoy this video. The way this animal skulks around Eglywsg Wen is a sight to behold. He truley is one of Gods great creations!

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

The Den

The Denbigh Den is a magnificent place. Its so damn hardcore if you neglect it for even a short amount of time it'll kick your ass when you go back. Well this is what happened to me yesterday - very demoralising. It appears my fingers are still quite weak. The den isn't the steepest of beasts so weak fingers are soon crulely exposed. Check out the vid i made. Includes Danny making the second ascent of the Green problem 7c/+.

Later on i got my arse pummeld at snooker but the day was salvaged cos i went to visit Laura and she made me a cracking mushroom risotto. Hmmm.

Monday, 17 March 2008


Ha forgot the link

The Streams - Check em out

Morning you horrible lot. If you like good music you wanna check out the Streams, they're gonna be the next big thing you know.

Sunday, 16 March 2008

A Fine day out with Mr Georgiou

Today i went rock climbing like i do every sunday with Mr Matthew Georgiou, pictured below:

After a little drive through the hills we ended up at Cromlech Boulders where the Cypriot set his sights on Ultimate Retro Party V8, a problem that i had done many years ago. He was close but by the time he's worked it out his arms felt heavier than Rick Wallers Lunchbox (not that lunchbox you dirty bastards!)

Anyway after that we bumped into Hockstack and went to check out the new Schoolroom of North Wales. And what a beast she is- good effort lads. Stay tuned for pics and vids of this in the coming months!

Your Sunday Sermon - A Prayer For Jonathon!

Some of you may well of heard of the enigma that is Jonothon Gaskins, known better as Jonny G. Well this man is a force to be reckoned with in the sport of rock climbing. His achievements although little known on a global scale, have in reality set a new standard in the sport. Look i'm not saying i've been everywhere and seen everything (Big Trouble in Little China Quote- get in!) but one thing i do know is that Johnny's problems (Il Pirata, Walk Away etc..) are of a another level of difficulty to Terremer in Hueco (Jonny jugs!) and From Dirt Grows the Flowers (Jonny Jugs!). These problems just wouldn't be hard to a Johnny in his prime. I want to tell you a little story about the time Johnny rocked up to my spritual home the mighty Pill Box. Chris Davies, no slouch on the boulders himself, had a project up a couple of glassy coins through the main overhang. What transpired that day in 2005 had little effect on the climbing world (probably registered about 0.0001 on the ricter scale) yet it was undoubtedly one of the greatest feats of modern rock climbing. He graded it 8a+/b - an indication of how easy it felt. Still unrepeated and having been tried by some decent crimpers it appears the true difficulty of this line is around the 8b+ mark. Alright i hear you say 8b+ has been done in a sesh before (Daniel Woods this year New Base Line- jonny jugs) but never has such a terrible set of grips been linked by a man in two hours. Not jonnies hardest problem but in my opinion his greatest achievement. Thank you for listening and god bless you all.

Saturday, 15 March 2008

My Favourite Beast (the dog that is)

Something amusing

More vids

A couple of vids showing my two proudest achievements in rock climbing. One is that crimpy motherfucker Melancholie down LPT , hard 8b, did it in 2004 over that shitty summer, was always wet til the final day, went to america next week.The other is self explanatory!
Check em out:

Whats been going down?

Well i might aswell give a quick rundown on the last few weeks. Well i've not been doing any rope access shenanigans so have been rock climbing (am bloody knackered now). Here's a brief summary of whats been going down. Well i found this project - really cool, will go an try it when its dry:

Also was shown a cool crag x by Cattells near their place, "hard projects, i'll be right there!"

Climbing wise have been trying In Hell in the Cave for the 3rd year running, still not burly enough to link the start (8a on its own) but feel like a seige might be on the cards. Would be a happy man if i could get to that jug i really would, of course i'd have to do Rockatrocity after that but thats just a matter of time and redpointing. Had a cracking day at the mwyn yesterday, did the second half of my proj there , long fucker! Pic here of Neil J Inspector Mawson on Under the Bridge (7b+)

Apart from that i beat my old adversary the donkey at snooker 6-3 and have been wining and dining a very nice young lady (more on this another time)

Blog time

I got a blog, cos i'm bored and don't have a job and i need another hobby. Come here to see vids and pics and stuff and maybe even some good porn links if your lucky! Here's an amzing video form my Youtube account (doylo 99). The greatest man on gods earth- the alright guy!